Ups And Downs.

Sitting here in my wooden rocking chair in my back yard, smoking a cigarette and hanging out with someone that I have been involved with for over 10 years. I can’t stop my mind from racing though. Being confused, curious and feeling alone. Wondering if he is ever going to just talk to me or leave me feeling this way. I give him my all and what does he give me? Turmoil and heartache. Trust issues and abandonment. Chest pain and anger. For what? Because he “tells” me that he loves me? But does he truly show it? Or does he only show what he is willing to show me? These are answers that I may never get in the remaining days of my life. Is it to a point where I have to accept things as they are and continue on with this person? Or do I completely walk away? Just a short note on my feelings for the now. Wonder what will come of this next…